I am sure all of us can relate with suffering, whether it’s through physical ailments, financial struggles, broken relationships, death of loved ones - the list goes on. I was particularly stretched to my limits of enduring suffering this year. It was one of the lowest points of my life. Life seemingly had no purpose as I was deeply drowned in the fact that I was suffering so much and there was no way out. But praise God that He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and thanks to Him, I might have a glimpse of understanding on how our suffering is not meaningless in Him.

Stop Searching for the Reason

As part of my defense mechanism for making sense of suffering, I needed to justify why I had to go through so many of life’s struggles and challenges. Why me? Why this and not that? Why God why? I thought if I knew the reason behind all the suffering, it would make sense and make me feel better. It seemed like a natural response when faced with suffering. But it revealed how little faith I had in Him. Why do I need an answer or reason to trust Him after Jesus Himself went through the ultimate suffering? I failed to focus on God’s will, which is what Jesus perfectly exemplified in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42). Francis Chan’s quote from Job 11:7 sums up my first point: “Can you worship a God who isn’t obligated to explain His actions to you?”

I stopped searching for the reason of my struggles, and found myself reminded of completely trusting Him with whatever story He is creating through my life’s journey. (Jeremiah 29:11)

To be Purified as Gold

Suffering is part of refining our character as gold. I heard it a lot and believed it up until I went through it. Then I started doubting how it could possibly be good for me. But I was saved again by God’s unrelenting grace when suffering revealed my sins: how highly I think of myself and think that I don’t deserve all of life’s burdens. I wasn’t walking closely with Him. I wasn’t intimate with Him. Through utter dependence on Him, I was able to personalize the meaning of His character-building process in which He is sanctifying us from within for our own good. (James 1:2-4)

This is Not Our Home

There must be a place without suffering since we all long for that. And suffering is a constant reminder that this world is not our home. God never promised a life of comfort. If we look at the Bible, we see how everyone went through suffering and how it’s not the point. 

The point has always been how God is glorified in our life and that it is His story, not ours.

Paul’s bold statement “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21) shows how we ought to fix our eyes on Christ in our life while looking forward to eternal unity with Him after this “short” affliction on earth.

I am thankful that He is a sovereign God, for whatever happens, He is always in control. It is my current journey to really experience His miracle of joy and comfort in the midst of my struggles. I think this song is a really good reflection of what this post is all about. Enjoy! J

It’s interesting how no matter how many times you sing a worship song, sometimes you suddenly find something new about it that you never noticed before.

[“All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return.” – Ecclesiastes 3:20]

There’s a strange phenomenon that I’ve observed during certain Bible studies amongst supposedly more “mature” Christians.

Have you ever lamented to God before?

This past year was mentally tough for me. I was feeling uneasy, unhappy and incomplete most of the times. It was plain hard to feel joy as resentment was taking over me internally. Admittedly, I was struggling with envy. I coveted what others had, and as a result, I constantly felt like what I had was not good enough. When others had great things lined up for them, it was hard for me to be entirely happy for them. My dissatisfaction with lot of things constrained me and my heart could not simply rejoice. 

The practice of showing everything to the world on social media nowadays is becoming almost instinctive, which makes it so easy to feel miserable about our lives. I believe this is because social media is best at only highlighting the best moments of our lives and hiding everything else. All of this showmanship can be deceptive if we aren’t able to discern and realize that life isn’t as perfect as it appears, causing us to be prone to covetousness. Nonetheless, that’s not the root of the problem; instead it is our heart and mindset that need to be fixed.

“Greater Things Are Gonna Happen to You” Pep Talk Is Not the Solution
In dealing with envy, I’ve heard people “encouraging” others or themselves by saying that their time will come and that they will eventually become prosperous and that greater things are ahead in the future. They try to assure others with promises that they will someday get to enjoy whatever it is that they hope for (or even more than that).

However, I believe that this type of “encouragement” does not solve envy because we are simply not in control of the future, so things don’t necessarily go our way. You might not get the scholarship your friend received or the promotion at work that you were waiting for. Placing your trust in the unknown and unpredictable future is an unstable foundation. If things do not go your way, the discontentment and impact is greater.

The ugly truth is that we mask our envy by comforting ourselves with this “encouragement”. So if you ever start using this type of thinking to self-comfort and encourage, it may be setting yourself up for a greater disappointment on uncertain hopes.

Are You Thankful Enough?
“The grass on the other side is always greener.” Ungratefulness is the most major and common reason causing the unease when (we think) we are not doing as well as others. Francis Chan shared in Chapter 10 of Crazy Love about a cheese grater serving its specific function that no other utensils can. It is unique and incomparable with other utensils as each of them is made for different purposes. This illustration reminds me of the Body of Christ – the Church. Everyone has their own part and purpose, and to focus on what others have or can do is wasting the gift and resources that God has given us to use and develop.  (Romans 12:4-5)

Try constantly looking at your life and express gratitude to the Lord, and keep in mind that God makes us unique in our own way. We are a limited edition!

Love of Human Approval
I was browsing on sermons online as I was desperately seeking for help to overcome envy. To my surprise, the first video that came out on top of the search result was “Our Dangerous Love Affair with Human Approval”. Curious about what it had to do with envy, I watched the short video which turned out to be an eye-opener. I had never truly realized that my ambitions to be better (than others) had got something to do with wanting to show the world that I was worthy of praises. However, that kind of drive has no end and will never satisfy us. Worldly approvals don’t last and when they’re done, they’re done. As written in 1 John 2:17, “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever”, I was reminded that my worldly pursue is one that has no end, and to refocus my eyes to be fixed on Him.

How Much We Love Others Affects Everything

1 Corinthians 13:4 clearly says that love does not envy or boast. The verse challenges us to love others without selfish reasons. I am again reminded of how flawed my love is: if I can’t even simply be happy for others when good things are happening to them, what more can be expected from me?! This is saddening and that is unfortunately how human’s love can be. In contrast, God’s love is perfect that He showed it when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

What matters the most is how much we love others. If our love for others is so strong, then we would love them no matter what. Not to mention that one of the Ten Commandments dictates us not to covet, highlighting how serious the issue is, so it is a command that we do not envy.

My struggle with envy has brought me into a very deep self exploration. It was ugly to find out all things bad from the roots of envy, but therapeutic to be aware and cautious of what I was failing at. Then came gratitude that God’s grace is the greatest gift that we have in this life and our lives should revolve around living them the most God-glorifying way. Nowadays, I try to focus on how I could be better in utilizing what God has given me and see the bigger picture where individual gifts complement each other. It was also humbling to know that the only one who can satisfy my soul is Him alone. God is most glorified when we are satisfied in Him ( John Piper). He is enough for us and all-satisfying!