Lessons Learned from Breakups
A breakup
can be one of the toughest things to endure. The what ifs, could-have-beens,
pain, anger, insecurity, confusion and a mixture of emotions that bombard you
when you realize that it’s over might leave you wondering if you’ll ever heal
completely. It’s also difficult because it takes away part of you: your dreams,
hopes and memories. What once was will never be again.
But as hard as a breakup can be, I
learned that that there are gifts (yes, you read that right) and lessons to
take away from it. There is beauty in brokenness. I am thankful that God has
taught me these following things through my own experience, as well as from
other sisters in Christ who were able to find hope and comfort in Him from
their tough breakups.
God works miraculously, even through
pain
Regardless
of the reason of your breakup and whether you’re on the receiving end of it, I truly
believe that God can work wonders through pain. A friend of mine shared that
through her breakup, God showed her she had been idolizing her relationship that she was drawing away from God. Her world was revolving around her boyfriend
that she neglected her relationship with God. She thought she was being loving;
instead, the motivation was actually self-seeking. Had she not broken up, she
would have been completely drowned in the toxic mindset of being defined by
relationship status. Through tears and perhaps some melodramatic songs on
repeat, God healed her and has brought her to a place where she now understands
the meaning of love, which is self-sacrificial and unconditional – just like
how Jesus loves. To hear her say that her breakup is one of the most beautiful
things she ever received in her life is a major testimony that God really is
close to the broken-hearted (Psalm
34:18).
Redirecting your heart
You know how
your GPS says “Recalculating…” when you miss a turn, or it loses its internet
connection? That was pretty much what happened to me after my breakup. I was
quite taken aback with the identity shift when realizing that I was really out
of a committed relationship. I felt a bit lost and had to find my way back in
my “new identity”. Looking back, I am so thankful that God used my brokenness
to redirect me to Him and evaluate whether I had been faithful to Him in every
season of life. It was a time when I was reminded that life can give you
unpleasant surprises, but one thing remains – we are His children (2
Corinthians 6:18), and at the end of the day, we can rest assured knowing that He is always for us.
Rethinking love
This is a
recurring theme that I found when talking with my friends about breakups. What
is love? The Bible defines it well in 1
Corinthians 13:4-7. Love draws the focus away from ourselves. I have
been really encouraged to see my friends who genuinely wish their exes the
best. This might seem counterintuitive, especially if the reason of the breakup
is a broken trust. But as we are commanded
to love one another (John
13:34), our exes are definitely included. This might mean forgiving
and being respectful of each other or praying for them.
In this
society where it’s hard to embrace singleness, we can be really influenced to
think that we are odd or second best just because we are not in a relationship.
As there
is a time for everything, let’s embrace each stage of life with its
own gifts and challenges. Paul shows that we can be content in any situation
through Christ (Philippians
4:12). It’s easier said than done, but let’s ask God to fill our hearts
with gratitude and peace in all circumstances.
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