I never thought I’d be writing this blog post. Author of "But He Said He is a Christian: Journal Entries of a Young Christian Woman in an Abusive Relationship", Rebecca (Becca) K. Tan, is a dear friend of mine who went through an abusive relationship with Tony (her first boyfriend) – physically, emotionally and sexually. As heartbreaking as it was for me to read her raw and painful experience, it was more encouraging to learn how she transformed into a stronger and inspiring woman of God through it. 

This story concerns everyone (even those with no experience of abuse) because to a certain extent, we all can relate to feeling utterly weak and heartbroken, keeping sins a secret and struggling with boundaries in dating. More importantly, I hope you can relate to finding comfort in Jesus Christ, no matter how messy you think your life is.

Have a look at my chat with Becca for some insight into her story:
Vidia: The title of the book "But He Said He is a Christian" is really powerful and quite frightening. Was Tony being Christian what "blinded" you from being aware of his manipulations as he did not "practice what he preached"?
Becca: Good question! I think we tend to trust people who are in positions of authority. Not only was Tony a Christian, he was also a leader in his church and a Christian campus ministry. Trusting him was easy and I never suspected him to be potentially abusive. 

Vidia: You confused sanctification with staying faithful by Tony's side and accepted everything about him despite his abuses. How should we discern this better in relationships?
Becca: This is a hard one. I think it needs to start with recognizing that one is being abused. It took me almost a year to realize that Tony was abusing me. You'll learn from my thought patterns and behaviours in the book that it is unfortunately not always clear to tell that someone is abusing you. Things also started clicking for me when realizing more that God hates injustice and the evil that was done to me, which helps me discern my next step about the relationship. This is part of my hope in sharing my experience – that others would know what abuse may look like. 

Vidia: Something remarkable that I noticed is how there is no mention of hate towards Tony in the book. Have you never hated him? How is that possible after what you went through?
Becca: You must have missed the journal entry on August 22, 2015 - haha! Hate for Tony is definitely not a theme I wanted to highlight, nor does it need to be the focus. I felt extremely bitter over him during and after the relationship. However, I was also compassionate towards him because of his heartbreaking past. I didn’t want to hate him because I saw the anguish he was in when he failed. The problem was Tony’s lack of desire to repent. He should have reached out to his brothers and elders in church for help. Instead, he kept justifying his hurt towards me and insisted that I had to help him. More than anything, I hated and still hate the sin that has such a strong hold on him.

Vidia: How has your view of guys been impacted by your relationship with Tony? Are you traumatized to date again?
Becca: After leaving Tony, I noticed that I was afraid of making any new guy friends. I feared that all guys were addicted to porn and had sexual thoughts when looking at me (or any other girl). I was scared that all guys were nice on the outside, but manipulative at the core – talking to me only because they wanted something from me.

One day, a good friend prayed with me about this and reminded me that not all guys are like that. I decided to try believing this even though I felt differently. I started to work on trusting one of my new guy friends, and I am so thankful for the friendship as it allowed me to slowly start trusting guys again. Almost a year later, I started to date again. However, new fears that I didn’t know existed emerged. I felt embarrassed that I jumped whenever a guy would do something small like putting their hand on my shoulder.

I am thankful that God has done a good work in me through the building of trust with my new guy friends so that I do not have many fears in dating today, just a heightened awareness of red flags.

Vidia: How is this book/story relevant for guys?
Becca: This story is relevant for brothers in the Church because it involves them. If someone in the Church is hurting, we should be hurting with them. Through this story, brothers are also able to gain insight of what an abusive dating relationship can look like – a story that not many women can openly share. Brothers are made aware that their sisters in the Church are suffering and feel unheard.

Vidia: Have you completely forgiven him?
Becca: I've accepted that forgiveness is an ongoing process. In the context of encouraging Christians to be like Christ, the apostle Paul says in Colossians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” God has commanded His children to forgive. In my situation, the hurts from Tony were many. I first chose to wholly forgive him, but then needed to forgive him for each situation that I remembered. My counsellor guided me to pray and forgive him in my heart every time I thought of the pain he caused. I forgive him, but I won’t forget what he did. I think that’s true grace – knowing that he has hurt me, but still choosing to forgive. I praise God for the strength to do such a supernatural act and for being our perfect example of forgiveness.

Vidia: Have you completely healed?
Becca: I don't believe I will ever be completely healed in this lifetime, but I do thank God for the amount of healing he has already given to me in such a short amount of time and how He is continuing to heal my heart.

Learn more about Becca's story on "But He Said He is a Christian: Journal Entries of a Young Christian Woman in an Abusive Relationship", available electronically or paperback

wherever you are, or follow her on her Instagram or Facebook.

If you’ve been keeping up with the Kardashians or following the pop culture news, you probably have heard about Kanye West’s recent confirmation as a converted Christian. Yes, Kanye West. THE Kanye West, a celebrity who has caused many controversies throughout his career and is often criticized for his misogynistic lyrics and provocative remarks. As unpredictable as he has always been, he has been leading pop-up churches and mega worship sessions, called “Sunday Service” across the US, and recently released an album entitled Jesus is King.

Following his declaration, he has since faced both backlash and support from the public, Christians, and the Christian hip hop community. My thoughts about his recent conversion are mixed. How do we respond to this? Is he a true Christian? Did he really experience a spiritual transformation despite the way he was living his life? Is this all just a publicity stunt or an image-correcting scheme?

My Initial Response

I would be lying if I said I was optimistic when I first read the news about him being born-again. My very first impression was of skepticism and judgment, which I am not proud of. I remember thinking “Yeah, right!”, which was sad as how much it said about me: disbelief in how God CAN work in anyone’s life regardless of how “unworthy” they might seem to us.

I was (and still am) struggling to make sense of the possible goodness (or maybe even greatness!) and potential harm that could come out of this transformation. I can see how someone as famous as Kanye can positively shape our culture if his testimony rings true. But if not, I worry about people misunderstanding Christianity, thinking that you can be a Christian while living a life displeasing to God (more of this excellently elaborated by The Gospel Coalition). This has always been my initial thought towards celebrities with a huge platform, like Kanye West, Justin Bieber, and Selena Gomez; all of whom have previously declared their faith in Jesus.

How My Thoughts Shifted

Thankfully, the Holy Spirit prompted me to reflect on my own flaws and judgmental attitude because I was judging them like I was better than them. I was reminded that there are no big and little sins in God’s eyes. Any kind of iniquity separates us from God (Isaiah 59:2).

I was also reminded of the story of how Paul came to know Christ. Formerly the greatest persecutor of Christians, Paul was probably the last person others suspected to pioneer missions in the history of the early church. He proceeded to become one of the most influential figures in the Bible. This reminder shifted my sight back to God, the One who is not limited to any circumstances and can work in anyone’s life no matter how broken, sinful and horrible they seem. God is omnipotent and it is not at all impossible for Him to change Kanye’s life.

After these realizations, I was rebuked that instead of praying for God to work in and through Kanye, I was mostly skeptical. This is not to say that we shouldn’t be cautious and concerned, or blindly celebrate him as a new Christian role model. I understand there are questions regarding the nature of his Sunday Service. If his testimony is genuine, we would be able to tell by the fruits it will yield, which is to be followed with massive changes in how he lives his life (Matthew 12:33). However, we are not called to judge and look down on someone who is pursuing God, or anyone really (Matthew 7:1-6).

Final Thoughts

The bottom line is that we can never know whether one is truly saved by God, and it is not our place to judge others. We also might never know if this is all a marketing tactic or if he has truly encountered God and is truly following Jesus. All we know is that the Scriptures are full of stories of those who lived sinful lives or made mistakes (the apostle Paul, King David, the thief on the cross and so on) but received God’s abounding grace and were utterly transformed to spread the message of salvation to the world. So, let’s be prayerful and hopeful, instead of skeptical and judgmental, and rejoice that people are hearing the Gospel through Kanye’s testimony and album (Philippians 1:18).

I am sure all of us can relate with suffering, whether it’s through physical ailments, financial struggles, broken relationships, death of loved ones - the list goes on. I was particularly stretched to my limits of enduring suffering this year. It was one of the lowest points of my life. Life seemingly had no purpose as I was deeply drowned in the fact that I was suffering so much and there was no way out. But praise God that He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and thanks to Him, I might have a glimpse of understanding on how our suffering is not meaningless in Him.

Stop Searching for the Reason

As part of my defense mechanism for making sense of suffering, I needed to justify why I had to go through so many of life’s struggles and challenges. Why me? Why this and not that? Why God why? I thought if I knew the reason behind all the suffering, it would make sense and make me feel better. It seemed like a natural response when faced with suffering. But it revealed how little faith I had in Him. Why do I need an answer or reason to trust Him after Jesus Himself went through the ultimate suffering? I failed to focus on God’s will, which is what Jesus perfectly exemplified in Gethsemane (Luke 22:42). Francis Chan’s quote from Job 11:7 sums up my first point: “Can you worship a God who isn’t obligated to explain His actions to you?”

I stopped searching for the reason of my struggles, and found myself reminded of completely trusting Him with whatever story He is creating through my life’s journey. (Jeremiah 29:11)

To be Purified as Gold

Suffering is part of refining our character as gold. I heard it a lot and believed it up until I went through it. Then I started doubting how it could possibly be good for me. But I was saved again by God’s unrelenting grace when suffering revealed my sins: how highly I think of myself and think that I don’t deserve all of life’s burdens. I wasn’t walking closely with Him. I wasn’t intimate with Him. Through utter dependence on Him, I was able to personalize the meaning of His character-building process in which He is sanctifying us from within for our own good. (James 1:2-4)

This is Not Our Home

There must be a place without suffering since we all long for that. And suffering is a constant reminder that this world is not our home. God never promised a life of comfort. If we look at the Bible, we see how everyone went through suffering and how it’s not the point. 

The point has always been how God is glorified in our life and that it is His story, not ours.

Paul’s bold statement “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21) shows how we ought to fix our eyes on Christ in our life while looking forward to eternal unity with Him after this “short” affliction on earth.

I am thankful that He is a sovereign God, for whatever happens, He is always in control. It is my current journey to really experience His miracle of joy and comfort in the midst of my struggles. I think this song is a really good reflection of what this post is all about. Enjoy! J

There’s a strange phenomenon that I’ve observed during certain Bible studies amongst supposedly more “mature” Christians.

This past year was mentally tough for me. I was feeling uneasy, unhappy and incomplete most of the times. It was plain hard to feel joy as resentment was taking over me internally. Admittedly, I was struggling with envy. I coveted what others had, and as a result, I constantly felt like what I had was not good enough. When others had great things lined up for them, it was hard for me to be entirely happy for them. My dissatisfaction with lot of things constrained me and my heart could not simply rejoice. 

The practice of showing everything to the world on social media nowadays is becoming almost instinctive, which makes it so easy to feel miserable about our lives. I believe this is because social media is best at only highlighting the best moments of our lives and hiding everything else. All of this showmanship can be deceptive if we aren’t able to discern and realize that life isn’t as perfect as it appears, causing us to be prone to covetousness. Nonetheless, that’s not the root of the problem; instead it is our heart and mindset that need to be fixed.

“Greater Things Are Gonna Happen to You” Pep Talk Is Not the Solution
In dealing with envy, I’ve heard people “encouraging” others or themselves by saying that their time will come and that they will eventually become prosperous and that greater things are ahead in the future. They try to assure others with promises that they will someday get to enjoy whatever it is that they hope for (or even more than that).

However, I believe that this type of “encouragement” does not solve envy because we are simply not in control of the future, so things don’t necessarily go our way. You might not get the scholarship your friend received or the promotion at work that you were waiting for. Placing your trust in the unknown and unpredictable future is an unstable foundation. If things do not go your way, the discontentment and impact is greater.

The ugly truth is that we mask our envy by comforting ourselves with this “encouragement”. So if you ever start using this type of thinking to self-comfort and encourage, it may be setting yourself up for a greater disappointment on uncertain hopes.

Are You Thankful Enough?
“The grass on the other side is always greener.” Ungratefulness is the most major and common reason causing the unease when (we think) we are not doing as well as others. Francis Chan shared in Chapter 10 of Crazy Love about a cheese grater serving its specific function that no other utensils can. It is unique and incomparable with other utensils as each of them is made for different purposes. This illustration reminds me of the Body of Christ – the Church. Everyone has their own part and purpose, and to focus on what others have or can do is wasting the gift and resources that God has given us to use and develop.  (Romans 12:4-5)

Try constantly looking at your life and express gratitude to the Lord, and keep in mind that God makes us unique in our own way. We are a limited edition!

Love of Human Approval
I was browsing on sermons online as I was desperately seeking for help to overcome envy. To my surprise, the first video that came out on top of the search result was “Our Dangerous Love Affair with Human Approval”. Curious about what it had to do with envy, I watched the short video which turned out to be an eye-opener. I had never truly realized that my ambitions to be better (than others) had got something to do with wanting to show the world that I was worthy of praises. However, that kind of drive has no end and will never satisfy us. Worldly approvals don’t last and when they’re done, they’re done. As written in 1 John 2:17, “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever”, I was reminded that my worldly pursue is one that has no end, and to refocus my eyes to be fixed on Him.

How Much We Love Others Affects Everything

1 Corinthians 13:4 clearly says that love does not envy or boast. The verse challenges us to love others without selfish reasons. I am again reminded of how flawed my love is: if I can’t even simply be happy for others when good things are happening to them, what more can be expected from me?! This is saddening and that is unfortunately how human’s love can be. In contrast, God’s love is perfect that He showed it when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8).

What matters the most is how much we love others. If our love for others is so strong, then we would love them no matter what. Not to mention that one of the Ten Commandments dictates us not to covet, highlighting how serious the issue is, so it is a command that we do not envy.

My struggle with envy has brought me into a very deep self exploration. It was ugly to find out all things bad from the roots of envy, but therapeutic to be aware and cautious of what I was failing at. Then came gratitude that God’s grace is the greatest gift that we have in this life and our lives should revolve around living them the most God-glorifying way. Nowadays, I try to focus on how I could be better in utilizing what God has given me and see the bigger picture where individual gifts complement each other. It was also humbling to know that the only one who can satisfy my soul is Him alone. God is most glorified when we are satisfied in Him ( John Piper). He is enough for us and all-satisfying! 

For some introverts, a church can be a scary place. Most people seem happy and outgoing all the time while for introverts like myself, this can all be a bit overwhelming. Standing up to show that you're a newcomer, mingling with people in the church hall and praying with a stranger are good in essence, but they have always been a little daunting to me.

With how extroversion seems like the favored personality by the society, introverts are prone to lack of self-confidence and doubting themselves. Over the past few years, through some breakdowns, observation and God's gracious guidance, I have learned a few things about my own introversion and how it can actually be a blessing in disguise.

I found myself drawn to those who sit in the corner by themselves, or those who don't speak up as frequently. The fact that they are quiet or introverted lessens the pressure for me to socialize with them and encourages me to make them feel that they belong and are included. From personal experience, I know it means so much to an introvert to know that someone cares, despite their shyness or reserved manner. Thanks to my introversion, I can easily relate and be more sympathetic towards others like me.

I believe we shouldn't be too far off on either side of a spectrum. No matter how exhilarated you feel by being around others, some solitary moments for reflection would in fact do you much good. Reversely, being on your own all the time would not expose you to how you can serve your purpose in your community and is not truly beneficial to you in the long run.

As we are called to make disciples of all nations (Matt 28:19), I see the necessity for introverts to at times, step out of their comfort zones, though not at the expense of losing themselves or unique personalities. I have been learning to force myself out of my little bubble in the times when I see that it brings much help to others. I am practicing and exercising my self-introductions, initiating conversations, and sharing my own story all in the hope of being able to share the Gospel better and to simply love my neighbor. Frankly, it is hard to imagine how to love others if we shut ourselves off from the world. Nonetheless, I stay true to myself and I don't try to be someone I am not. I stretch myself to the limit where fighting my introversion can bring something to the table.

The Great Commission is unfeasible if we don't practice acting out our care for others. I am now learning to go deep, as opposed to wide in forming relationships. One of the things I try to do now is to be vulnerable to others so others can be vulnerable to me as well (for trust and deeper bonds with each other), instead of merely being acquainted and not knowing others to a more personal level.

While I struggle with my social ineptitude, God has taught me to embrace my personality and love my uniqueness that God has created. It is true: God can use all things. He even uses the weak for His glory. My imperfection doesn't seem so bad with God on my side.

"For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions and calamities. For when I am weak, I am made strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10 (emphasis added)